I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
