Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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