I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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