i wish my penis had a tongue
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
