matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
