well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
