i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
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