just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
