Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
