I molested 6 butterflies tonight
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
