This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
two words...techno handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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