Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
