She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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