Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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