I like to think it a success when the cops are called
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
