I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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