He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
