I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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