So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
