we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize