For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
