I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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