i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
