i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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