If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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