I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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