I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
