sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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