my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Houston, we have a blender
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
