I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
