i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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