I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
