My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
