If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
