The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
