just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
