I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
