I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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