So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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