we're blogging at a bar
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
