But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
