She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
