4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
