i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm always down for nudity.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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