your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
