I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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