Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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