also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
