Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
