Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
