I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I intend to get homeless drunk
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
