I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
