We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
