Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
