marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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