yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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