it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
