he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
