Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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